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It’s October, and that agency it’s time for jaundiced, exhausted columnists bent to choke all the joy out of activity to accuse about Pumpkin Aroma Whatever. Middle-aged men beam with aphasiac anguish at the computer screen, apprehensive if they wrote this aftermost year. Probably. Well, no one notices. Do it again.

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“So I was at the accouterments abundance the added day — the bounded one that the big box in the suburbs hasn’t killed, the affectionate of abode area there’s an old dog blind about and an earlier guy who can acquisition you a flanged attach if you acquaint him you charge to fix the gutter, a abode America seems to balloon in these canicule aback Amazon will accelerate you a arch of bill if you ask — and I was afraid to see they didn’t accept Pumpkin Aroma Paint.”

The columnist stops, thinks: Is there Pumpkin Aroma Paint? Better use the Google.

Well, I’ll be. Benjamin Moore. Color #126. Rewrite, then.

“I wasn’t afraid to see they had Pumpkin Aroma Paint. I assumption it has addendum of biscuit and absurd in case you appetite to feel comfortable on a wet day and adjudge to lick the wall. But if you ask me. … ”

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“No one’s allurement you,” the articulation in his arch whispers. “No one cares. Bodies like it. Write about article else.”

No. I insist. But I appear not to adjudge Pumpkin Spice, but to acclaim it. Put it in everything. Popcorn, deodorant, motor oil, I don’t care.

Let me aback up a bit. The added night I went to Trader Joe’s, area the agenda either says “Mango” or “Pumpkin spice.” They had PS waffles to sample. They had PS adulate for your PS bagels. They had PS rolls with PS icing. They had PS granola. The alone new account that did not accept Pumpkin Aroma was the Pumpkins.

I bought it all. Why? Because I appetite my ancestors to accept a absolute PS weekend.

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Picture this as an October tableau: You alive Saturday morning beneath a comfortable comforter. You go downstairs, alveolate and scratching, because that’s what bodies do in movies to appearance that they aloof woke up; allegedly the action of regaining alertness is itchy. Outside the copse are a admixture of green, amber and red, a attractive abstruse tapestry. There’s a blow of fog, anon to be austere abroad by the blaring bellow of an October sun. “The old girl’s got some bite larboard in her,” you cackle because you’re the affectionate of being who says aloof things about the sun. As you ballyhoo about the kitchen, the kids tumble bottomward the stairs, acquisitive for breakfast.

“Who’s up for some Pumpkin Aroma waffles?” you say. “And conceivably some Pumpkin Aroma adulate to go with it?”

“Oh, yes!” the girls cry. “That would be anytime so grand! You’re the best ancestor ever, you are!”

You apprehend Little Tim advancing bottomward the stairs, his accessory arresting on the steps, and a bound strikes your affection — the doctors say it’s Dickens’ Palsy, but it’s usually convalescent by the aftermost chapter.

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“Might there be Pumpkin Aroma syrup?” says Tim. “I’d be anytime so blessed if there were.” And you aces him up and circuit him about and say, “Of course! There’s Pumpkin Aroma yogurt with Pumpkin Aroma granola.”

“Oh, we are the luckiest ancestors that anytime was!” Tim says, and again coughs, because for some acumen the bad leg makes him cough. Your wife appears, and asks if there’s any Pumpkin Aroma coffee.

“We’ve been through this, dear,” you insist. “Flavored coffee is an abhorrence and I won’t accept it in the house.”

Everyone is aback silent, shocked.

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“I jest! Of advance there is. With Pumpkin Aroma creamer. Now anybody booty a seat, and I shall adapt a feast with an constant acidity profile. My dear, if you would ablaze the candle? No, not that one — it’s cranberry and pine, are you mad? Is there snow? Are these peppermint waffles? The orange candle. Right.”

While anybody eats their adorable breakfast, you accede the day’s agenda: attractive at leaves, jumping into bags of leaves, article accompanying to apples, bedlam in a blah maze. Ah, fall. It’s the best admirable time of the year.

That’s the dream.

Reality: Daughter comes bottomward for breakfast. You action a Pumpkin Aroma waffle.

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“That’s a lot of carbs,” she complains. She poaches an egg instead.

Six months after you acquisition the Pumpkin Aroma adulate in the aback of the fridge, mostly unused. Out it goes. It’s about time for mango er, anyway.

So it doesn’t assignment out as planned. Who cares? For a while, Pumpkin Aroma captivated the affiance of an ideal fall: long, nutmeggy, traces of alarm smoke on the wind, aureate ablaze trickling through russet-hued trees, brittle days, comfortable nights. Mindless summer gives way to the affair of autumn.

That aeon lasts about 72 hours, and again it’s aloof accursed austere and accursed algid forever. But Pumpkin Aroma helps us avoid this adamantine actuality with a non-holiday melancholia flavored diversion, and we charge article to booty our apperception off what’s coming. I mean, there’s Pumpkin Aroma wine. They apperceive what they’re doing.

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