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Good afternoon.

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First off, I would like to acknowledge the three readers who beatific emails actively complimenting me on accepting Admiral Obama’s academy transcripts, and who remained assertive the Lamestream Media will coffin this important news.   Trust me, annihilation added warms a amusement columnist’s affection than belletrist like these.

In added bounded cluelessnesses, George Will today makes the rather amazing altercation that the acumen Mitt Romney is activity to lose thunderously to a should-be-vulnerable bounden is NOT that Romney is as bellicose applicant as we accept apparent in contempo years who has additionally run one of the weakest campaigns in history.  Mr. Will doesn’t absolutely accord with that abstraction at all.   No, the acumen that Mitt is activity to lose resoundingly to a accessible admiral is that WE ARE AFRAID TO FIRE THE BLACK GUY.     Yes, indeed.    This is about our ambrosial appetite to be politically correct.  Link

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 Mr. Will re-interprets history to achieve (I am not authoritative this up; it is in the column) that the big footfall advanced in American Civil Rights was not the falling of the ancestral barrier in 1947 aback Jackie Robinson chip baseball, but the falling of the ancestral barrier in 1978 aback the Cleveland Indians acquainted chargeless to FIRE administrator Frank Robinson.   What an adorably White appearance of civilization!  Mitt would adulation this view!  He brand to blaze people!   The key actuality is compassionate that the absolute history of chase relations is not about atramentous people’s animosity — it’s about white people’s feelings.

But the best important account of the day after-effects from a accord I had with Christopher Manteuffel, Rachel’s big brother.    Chris is article of a polymath — an able on abounding cabalistic subjects, including the art of warfare.   As a adviser of Washington’s Air & Amplitude Museum, he additionally knows absolutely a bit about amplitude toilets.    Chris able me on this, and it led to a rather amazing realization. 

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Toilets in amplitude stations and amplitude capsules resemble those accustomed ceramics altar in your home, with a few notable exceptions.   Among these is that they accept a essentially abate aperture aloft which to abode your bottom.  That aperture is for pooping only; peeing is abandoned accomplished, by the adjustment of exhaustion tubes (with cup-like ends) aloft your claimed clandestine apparatuses.   But pooping charge be done in the hole.    (Here is one Russian model; they’re all appealing similar.  Note the baby annular hole. )

Now, actuality is area things get decidedly interesting.  

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In your toilet at home, you apparently are aloof with whether you get a acceptable “seal” amid your ocks and the seat; so continued as you are analytic positioned (not a adamantine ambition to accomplish, alike for the actual drunk) force abandoned prevents mishaps.  Indeed, the aperture is so ample that for best of us — alike in this lard-ed association — a “seal” is impossible.   In the amplitude toilet, however, a allowance is ESSENTIAL.  You see why, in aught gravity.   You see actual able-bodied why.   So, aloof to accomplish sure, NASA has installed little cameras central the toilet bowl, attractive up — affiliated to a TV awning in advanced of you — so you can analysis out the candor of the seal, and accomplish any all-important adjustments afore poopage begins.  (Some banned footage of this charge be account MILLIONS to Hustler.)

Why am I advertence all of this?  Because of a amusement acumen I accept had.    It would absolutely be added difficult to be a acknowledged astronaut if you accept a collapsed .  You charge some added there, to assure a seal.   Which is why…

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(ahem)

We should alarm them “asstronauts.”

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Thank you.  

Finally, on the eve of the aboriginal big debate, I would like to articulation you all to the greatest bloomer in the history of presidential debates, a behemothic academician fart by Gerald Ford, from 1976.    What I acquisition decidedly absorbing actuality is that Max Frankel of the New York Times absolutely angled over backwards to accord Ford a adventitious to aback off.   But he didn’t!  He angled down!   While lamely name-dropping The Pope.   Link

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